I had my first appointment with the surgeon and his staff on Friday the 17th. I was there for a couple hours - I got there early and he was late due to an emergency surgery (he is a general and bariatric surgeon). Not a big deal. :)
They checked my height and weight - and much to my surprise, they told me that I have shrunk half an inch. According to them I'm 4' 11.5". Crap. Before she checked my height, I told her to make me taller than 5'0". Instead, she shrunk me. LOL Oh well. Such is life. You work with what you have, right? :)
I completed my medical history pack before going and it was reviewed with me by the nurse, the doctor's assistant and the doctor himself. Based on my information and answers, he determined that I need to complete a sleep study and see if I have sleep apnea. That is scheduled for May 30th. I also need an upper GI and a colonoscopy - those are both scheduled for July 12th (my birthday). He also wants me to see a cardiologist and a pulminologist (heart and lung specialists). And I will need to meet with a psychiatrist or psychologist and have bloodwork done too.
I'm excited to be moving forward. :) I anticipate I will have completed everything and be scheduled for surgery in November or December.
Everyone at the surgeon's office was great - all very friendly and helpful. :)
Tomorrow I meet with the dietician for the first time. I'm excited about that too - and will update after that appointment.
Monday, May 20, 2013
Monday, April 22, 2013
Introduction
Hello, Hi there, Welcome. This is my introductory post for this new blog - which is about my struggle with being overweight. Why do I want to air my dirty laundry? Because others who have aired theirs, have helped me through my more difficult times. And I would like to pay that forward even I only end up helping one person. :)
My name is Cathy and as of this posting, I'm 44 years young, soon to be 45. I am a mother of three children and grandmother to one grandchild. I am married and in addition to my human family members, I have three dogs and one cat.
I have struggled with being overweight for the majority of my life. It seems to have begun after I had my tonsils removed when I was around 7/8 years old. I gained weight and my cholesterol went up. My doctor put me on a low cholesterol diet and over the next few years although I didn't really lose a lot of weight, I more-or-less grew into my weight. By age 11/12, I had pretty much stopped growing in height (I'm 5'0") and weighed about 110 pounds (ish). I maintained that weight for the next few years. I've always thought I was fat - and 110 on a 5' frame is NOT fat. I realize that now. There are some outstanding moments in my life that I can recall vividly that shaped my view of myself. One of those was my mother (and this is not dissing her) telling me that I was too fat to wear a two-piece bathing suit when I was about 13 or 14 years old. I'm not sure why she said that - we've tried to discuss it but it doesn't turn out well. :) Another was when I was in Home Ec class in 9th grade. We had to take our measurements - mine were 34 - 26 - 34. I clearly remember the teacher telling us that our measurements were supposed to be 10 inches different - so according to that, my measurements should have been 34-24-34. As I had a 26 inch waist, in my mind - that made me fat. I didn't fit the norm. I wasn't good enough. Lastly, while I was not lacking attention from boys my age, I figured that it had NOTHING to do with being attractive to the opposite sex because I frequently was told that I had a great personality. Those were words of doom to a teenager. Those words are reserved for the fat people. The ones who don't look good, but have a great personality. That reinforced my negative (and improper) view of myself as being a fat person. Logical? No. Not really. I can see that now - but I surely couldn't see it then. I wore 27" waist boys jeans. That is NOT fat.
I gained 10 pounds between 9th and 10th grade simply by eating yogurt that summer while babysitting the next door neighbor's new baby. It was delish. LOL In 10th grade, my classmates noticed and made comments about me having "more coushin for the pushin". Reinforcing my view of myself as being a fat person. Again, weighing 120 pounds at 5'0" is NOT fat.
Just prior to graduation, I had my appendix out. I gained 40 pounds very shortly thereafter. I had a boyfriend who liked to go to McDonalds but didn't like to share. LOL So I always had to order my own food and I felt bad wasting someone else's money by buying something but not eating it all. He also introduced me to chocolate malts. And sex. LOL Too bad we didn't have enough sex to combat the malts and burgers.
We split, I found someone else and worked hard at taking off the extra weight. I became very active over the summer of 1987 and into the fall. I got down to around 120-130. And then I got pregnant. I was very ill the entire 9 months and ended up weighing 125 pounds the day I went in to the hospital to deliver my oldest son. Instead of relishing in my newfound thinness (I wore a pink sweater dress to church, two weeks after giving birth - with no indication whatsoever that I had even been pregnant), I relished in the fact that I could once again eat without puking all the time.
I ended up weighing about 130 and wearing 30" boys jeans a few months after giving birth. Again, that is NOT fat. However; I had people asking if I was pregnant again. I wasn't. But once again, those comments reaffirmed my view of myself that I was fat.
Shortly thereafter, my relationship ended. It was a horrible relationship but ending it made me feel as though my whole world was ending. I was overwhelmed by emotion and didn't know how to handle what I was feeling. I felt threatened. I felt lost. I hated me. I didn't want to be me. I ate. And I ate. I ate to comfort myself. I ate because I was lonely. I ate because I didn't want to be recognizable anymore. I didn't want anyone to know that I was me. I gained over 50 pounds over the next year-ish.
Jump ahead and now I'm married. I've had two more children and now weighed about 199 after the birth of my youngest son. Maybe I should have already said it before now, and it will sound contradictory I'm sure, but I didn't feel any different inside when I weighed 199 than when I weighed 110. Only now I really was fat. :(
I found a doctor to prescribe phentermine for me. I used that in combination with a low-fat diet and line dancing for exercise. I got down to 140 and was quite happy with myself and my appearance. A divorce soon followed. And I ended up a bit wild. I was rejoicing in the attention I was receiving and appreciated what I was seeing in the mirror. I was not "thin", but I was no longer fat. If that makes sense to anyone but me. LOL
Husband #2 came along and with that relationship came much hardship - for myself and for my children. I regret it to this day and wish I could somehow go back and change time. I again gained weight.- about 40 pounds - trying to eat my misery away. We separated, I lost weight and moved on. We reunited for a year, I gained weight again (good grief, right?). And we divorced.
I'm now with my 3rd husband - the winner. :)
Long story short... I had a tubal ligation after baby #3. I had always wanted 4 children, but circumstances called for permanent birth control back then. I was (miraculously) able to get a tubal ligation reversal done very shortly after meeting my current husband. We tried, unsuccessfully, for a long time. In a very twisted mindset, I gained weight because I wanted to be pregnant so badly - as if looking pregnant would somehow make it all work out right. I dunno??? We did end up pregnant and lost the baby. It was our one and only success. We continued to try - and my weight continued to climb.
Around 2006-ish, we went to a football game as my children were involved in either the team, the band, the cheerleaders, etc... and I found that I had an extremely difficult time walking from the car to the stands and then back again. I could only go a few steps and then have to stop and rest. I was breathless. My joints screamed in pain. I was dumbfounded. I had avoided a scale for so long that I had no idea how much I weighed. Shortly thereafter, my husband and I went on a day trip and took some photos of our day. When I saw myself in the photos. I barely recognized myself. Wow. I was huge. 253.8 pounds huge it turned out. :(
An online friend had lost weight and gotten healthy - I tried to follow her lead. I lost some weight. My husband suggested a personal trainer - and I hired one. I lost more weight. I was down to about 203. We went on vacation and I had a day of horrible horrible neck pain. Upon returning home, it was discovered that I have herniated discs in my neck. Fear prevented me from continuing with the personal trainer. Subsequently more herniated discs were found throughout my back. :(
I've since gained and lost, gained and lost, gained and lost. I'm not where I was at almost 255, thank goodness! I've thought about weight loss surgery - long and hard - over many years of struggling. We never had the cash to pay outright and we never had insurance to cover it.
Believe it or not, I've actually been rather healthy through this. I'm only recently diagnosed with diabetes and high cholesterol. I'm not on insulin and haven't even come close to a sugar reading of 200 - so I'm not out of control.
At the beginning of last month, my husband's employer changed health insurance providers. I was astonished when I discovered that the new plan covered weight loss surgery! I immediately started making phone calls to make it happen. I went to an informational session a few weeks ago and have an appointment with the surgeon in less than a month. I also already have 2 appointments scheduled with the dietician. I must meet with a dietician once a month for 6 months to qualify for the surgery. My first appointment with her is in a month. I'm stoked. Seriously stoked and ridiculously excited to move forward in my life to no longer be a fat person. I want to look on the outside as I feel on the inside. And the plus side.... I KNOW what fat is now - and what it isn't. Time to break the disillusion and be me.
My name is Cathy and as of this posting, I'm 44 years young, soon to be 45. I am a mother of three children and grandmother to one grandchild. I am married and in addition to my human family members, I have three dogs and one cat.
I have struggled with being overweight for the majority of my life. It seems to have begun after I had my tonsils removed when I was around 7/8 years old. I gained weight and my cholesterol went up. My doctor put me on a low cholesterol diet and over the next few years although I didn't really lose a lot of weight, I more-or-less grew into my weight. By age 11/12, I had pretty much stopped growing in height (I'm 5'0") and weighed about 110 pounds (ish). I maintained that weight for the next few years. I've always thought I was fat - and 110 on a 5' frame is NOT fat. I realize that now. There are some outstanding moments in my life that I can recall vividly that shaped my view of myself. One of those was my mother (and this is not dissing her) telling me that I was too fat to wear a two-piece bathing suit when I was about 13 or 14 years old. I'm not sure why she said that - we've tried to discuss it but it doesn't turn out well. :) Another was when I was in Home Ec class in 9th grade. We had to take our measurements - mine were 34 - 26 - 34. I clearly remember the teacher telling us that our measurements were supposed to be 10 inches different - so according to that, my measurements should have been 34-24-34. As I had a 26 inch waist, in my mind - that made me fat. I didn't fit the norm. I wasn't good enough. Lastly, while I was not lacking attention from boys my age, I figured that it had NOTHING to do with being attractive to the opposite sex because I frequently was told that I had a great personality. Those were words of doom to a teenager. Those words are reserved for the fat people. The ones who don't look good, but have a great personality. That reinforced my negative (and improper) view of myself as being a fat person. Logical? No. Not really. I can see that now - but I surely couldn't see it then. I wore 27" waist boys jeans. That is NOT fat.
I gained 10 pounds between 9th and 10th grade simply by eating yogurt that summer while babysitting the next door neighbor's new baby. It was delish. LOL In 10th grade, my classmates noticed and made comments about me having "more coushin for the pushin". Reinforcing my view of myself as being a fat person. Again, weighing 120 pounds at 5'0" is NOT fat.
Just prior to graduation, I had my appendix out. I gained 40 pounds very shortly thereafter. I had a boyfriend who liked to go to McDonalds but didn't like to share. LOL So I always had to order my own food and I felt bad wasting someone else's money by buying something but not eating it all. He also introduced me to chocolate malts. And sex. LOL Too bad we didn't have enough sex to combat the malts and burgers.
We split, I found someone else and worked hard at taking off the extra weight. I became very active over the summer of 1987 and into the fall. I got down to around 120-130. And then I got pregnant. I was very ill the entire 9 months and ended up weighing 125 pounds the day I went in to the hospital to deliver my oldest son. Instead of relishing in my newfound thinness (I wore a pink sweater dress to church, two weeks after giving birth - with no indication whatsoever that I had even been pregnant), I relished in the fact that I could once again eat without puking all the time.
I ended up weighing about 130 and wearing 30" boys jeans a few months after giving birth. Again, that is NOT fat. However; I had people asking if I was pregnant again. I wasn't. But once again, those comments reaffirmed my view of myself that I was fat.
Shortly thereafter, my relationship ended. It was a horrible relationship but ending it made me feel as though my whole world was ending. I was overwhelmed by emotion and didn't know how to handle what I was feeling. I felt threatened. I felt lost. I hated me. I didn't want to be me. I ate. And I ate. I ate to comfort myself. I ate because I was lonely. I ate because I didn't want to be recognizable anymore. I didn't want anyone to know that I was me. I gained over 50 pounds over the next year-ish.
Jump ahead and now I'm married. I've had two more children and now weighed about 199 after the birth of my youngest son. Maybe I should have already said it before now, and it will sound contradictory I'm sure, but I didn't feel any different inside when I weighed 199 than when I weighed 110. Only now I really was fat. :(
I found a doctor to prescribe phentermine for me. I used that in combination with a low-fat diet and line dancing for exercise. I got down to 140 and was quite happy with myself and my appearance. A divorce soon followed. And I ended up a bit wild. I was rejoicing in the attention I was receiving and appreciated what I was seeing in the mirror. I was not "thin", but I was no longer fat. If that makes sense to anyone but me. LOL
Husband #2 came along and with that relationship came much hardship - for myself and for my children. I regret it to this day and wish I could somehow go back and change time. I again gained weight.- about 40 pounds - trying to eat my misery away. We separated, I lost weight and moved on. We reunited for a year, I gained weight again (good grief, right?). And we divorced.
I'm now with my 3rd husband - the winner. :)
Long story short... I had a tubal ligation after baby #3. I had always wanted 4 children, but circumstances called for permanent birth control back then. I was (miraculously) able to get a tubal ligation reversal done very shortly after meeting my current husband. We tried, unsuccessfully, for a long time. In a very twisted mindset, I gained weight because I wanted to be pregnant so badly - as if looking pregnant would somehow make it all work out right. I dunno??? We did end up pregnant and lost the baby. It was our one and only success. We continued to try - and my weight continued to climb.
Around 2006-ish, we went to a football game as my children were involved in either the team, the band, the cheerleaders, etc... and I found that I had an extremely difficult time walking from the car to the stands and then back again. I could only go a few steps and then have to stop and rest. I was breathless. My joints screamed in pain. I was dumbfounded. I had avoided a scale for so long that I had no idea how much I weighed. Shortly thereafter, my husband and I went on a day trip and took some photos of our day. When I saw myself in the photos. I barely recognized myself. Wow. I was huge. 253.8 pounds huge it turned out. :(
An online friend had lost weight and gotten healthy - I tried to follow her lead. I lost some weight. My husband suggested a personal trainer - and I hired one. I lost more weight. I was down to about 203. We went on vacation and I had a day of horrible horrible neck pain. Upon returning home, it was discovered that I have herniated discs in my neck. Fear prevented me from continuing with the personal trainer. Subsequently more herniated discs were found throughout my back. :(
I've since gained and lost, gained and lost, gained and lost. I'm not where I was at almost 255, thank goodness! I've thought about weight loss surgery - long and hard - over many years of struggling. We never had the cash to pay outright and we never had insurance to cover it.
Believe it or not, I've actually been rather healthy through this. I'm only recently diagnosed with diabetes and high cholesterol. I'm not on insulin and haven't even come close to a sugar reading of 200 - so I'm not out of control.
At the beginning of last month, my husband's employer changed health insurance providers. I was astonished when I discovered that the new plan covered weight loss surgery! I immediately started making phone calls to make it happen. I went to an informational session a few weeks ago and have an appointment with the surgeon in less than a month. I also already have 2 appointments scheduled with the dietician. I must meet with a dietician once a month for 6 months to qualify for the surgery. My first appointment with her is in a month. I'm stoked. Seriously stoked and ridiculously excited to move forward in my life to no longer be a fat person. I want to look on the outside as I feel on the inside. And the plus side.... I KNOW what fat is now - and what it isn't. Time to break the disillusion and be me.
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